Just so you know,
  yeah, it may be dippy podunk ugly windy trashmonster tumbleweed shitkicker town out here.
But let me just tell you.

The. Stars. Are. INCREDIBLE!!!

Wow it's so wonderful and big and deep and light out there when the night has no clouds.

The last time I had to endure a string of airports, I was fucking crying in public in front of all those poor people for the entire day. I was trying not to! I didn't mean to! It's easy for me to look like a freak.
Hopefully, there will be a little less of that today and more of just traveling like a somewhat normal holiday passenger.

I have tried to make the best of things here. I bought a calico fantail to live with goldfish Sedgwick and Candy Darling. It needs a name, too, though. Suggestions?
I have made friends that are nice (obviously, because they are Kristin's friends.) But they know and can tell that I am broken. Like I said, I can't hide my freakness from anyone. It's hard to deal with people who are in pain- I understand.

I am relieved to be holidaymaking soon with the people that have to put up with me no matter what.
Unconditional love is what lovers/spouses promise but rarely deliver. Fortunately, you can find that in your family.

I don't ever want to 'date' anymore. I just want a family with someone- a big one that meshes with love. I realize that is idealistic and not everyone can get along. But it would soothe me in an important way right now.
So would getting to sleep with my big dogs! I will feel a tiny bit better when the river is near me again.

And, when I get back, I will go right into WORK.
   Yeah, I actually got a job!!!!!!!!!  A real slacks-and-sweater-set variety place of employment, pushing papers and data in SDSU's admissions office. Hopefully, it will pay the rent? And...it's better than food service?

Well, I'm going to go clean up so Mr. Luke LaLonde can have a nice place to stay and be a Born Ruffian, and pack, and generally get ready for my big trod today.

p.s.
  I am aware that livejournal is lame, I just like talking to you guys and need a place to put things.

Fine, well, I was able to pick these things out on The Best Thing
Just by spending a couple minutes, I found some things I can like, so fuck you:

midnight breakfast
post secret
laughing at a joke
stepping at a particularly crunchy leaf
babes, liberty, and the pursuit of fartiness
unexpected present
buttered rum
scented lotion after showering
long road trips with friends
getting a letter
not feeling pain
warm fuzzy kittens

Well, I have not made a post since June 2007 and the only thing I can say is that I am still devastated.

No one can ever tell you it's all going to be okay.

I need more joy in my life.

Participation Time!

  Comment anonymously- what are the things about me that are most irritating?

I always seem to do a good job of updating this shittastic journal once I get settled in at home and am ready for that reflection time.
 So, I hope that more will come as I spend time here for spring break.

Right now, I just want you to know that the first morning of my spring break was spent burying the neighbor's dead horse!!!  :(

I need some helpful interpretation from my friends, please!

   Just wanted to share with you something special. A series of messages from "Arman" of India. First of all, I think I must be sending fertile wife-vibes all over the globe. Secondly, would anyone like to make a comment on the little tree story here?

armanraza

12:10pm → Reply can i know more about u what u do where are your parents and i am a student of medicine 2800 kms away from my parents residing in hosel tomorrow is my exam i wish i were in u.s.a i would have had proposed u really

armanraza12:28pm → Reply
i remember my elder sister who usedto look in the mirror and always say the same thing that she looked good earlier o god people of whole world are same but u know i would tell u one think u keeop it in mind for whole life u have seen a tree of mango or any fruit giving tree see it grows as a plant then blooms one day then it gives fruit every year it goes through different phases wear and tear but provides people many things and keeps on going and even grows old and fades away it's sad but truth of life we have to go through such phases and a woman is like a big hearted green tree who gives us so many things but never complains try to be like that and u will be evergreen i think

As we all laughed while measuring our nipple size using coins, I was secretly embarrassed to find that I am a very frumpy bigger-than-a-quarter.

Never in my entire life have I used the word 'fart' as much as last night.

In my fantasies, I would have been able to use this time during break to become more whole, to work out every day and come back looking better, maybe even whiten my teeth or shrink my pores or some other thing that's in my head from reading Nora's 'Glamour' on the plane coming here.  I have books to read, plans to make, suitcases to pack.
    Too bad for all those things. I managed to read the New Yorker, loaf around with a huge dog, and even play some hearts.
My relatives are here and it's pretty great. Makes me actually get up and take a shower and try to be an interesting human.

         ( Not Someone to be Proud Of )

( The Pros and Cons of JCHardcore )

I love living by the river. The noise, the swimming, the reflection, all of it! Yesterday I saw ten deer running upstream, splashing in a row. We see bald eagles catch fish right under our nose.
   Dad's got his very well positioned chair facing it at all times. Since the house was built, there has been a list of creature sightings. I thought I'd let you give this list a look and just get it out there. These are the things we can see or have seen over here! (mostly wild but a few domestics come and go, too! ;)

horse
mule
mule deer
white tailed deer
angus cow
antelope
red fox
wild turkey
turkey buzzard
bald eagle
owl
cormorant
pelican
canada goose
red winged blackbird
robin
meadowlark
killdeer
merganzer
mallard
goldeneye
ring necked pheasant
gull
carp
rainbow trout
brown trout
cutbow
sandhill crane
beaver
red tail hawk
ferruginous hawk
bugs
osprey
dog
pygmy goat
blue heron
raccoon
swallow
blue winged teak
muskrat

my mother gave away (gave away!!!!) my first prom dress.  Without asking me.

    You can laugh if you want....and no, I might not have ever worn it again but by god, I'm still angry about it.

I've been thinking about stocking stuffers.
  Especially for my mom. She's always the little gift giver but that means her stocking is hardly ever as full.

What do you guys do for stocking stuffers?

The outdoor furniture on our upper deck just committed suicide over the railing it was so windy. We went out into the yard, thinking we should pick up the million pieces of shattered glass (maybe the dogs would hurt themselves?) But, we only ended up getting irritated. My mother was actually yelling in frustration (she couldn't even hold up the broom) and I was screaming just to see how loud I would have to go in order to be heard.
   
    So, right now I'm busy trying to supplement my kitschy shitty t-shirt gifts to my buddies with a CD. I try really hard to be good at mixes, but it's always a crapshoot. Mixes get lost on the floor of the car or don't even make it over to the CD player sometimes. If I get stuck on something, I'll go over to my horribly organized computer folders and try to decide what to delete. Should I keep old papers? Why would I want to read that shit again? And yet I worked so hard on them...why wouldn't I want to keep them? What good is a folder full of old papers?
 
  I thought I was going to get to go to Laramie this weekend to try and have some actual fun. But I'm not sure if it will happen They are exhausted from finals, too. And probably working. I'm just bitter because I don't have a car here. I don't have a car at all! Fuck me...
    There's a few local yokels that look pretty cool but they got their movie out before us! I guess Dan just didn't feel like finishing "Jackalope City Hardcore" but, oh! If only we could have a double-showing!!! They are playing theirs this weekend.  It's called "Stagbunny" a little mockumentary about our ever loving Jackalope. I'm sure I'll enjoy it just because it was filmed right here OMG! And I'll get a kick out of seeing each location and person in it that I know.  I'm saying the people who made this movie are cool because they told me I could come to their afterparty at the LaBonte. How my social calendar is filling up!

Well, I warned this journal that I fancied posting my meaningless drivel once more! So here I am.
It's too terribly windy to do anything else!

I feel grumpy. In fact, I'm going to practically bombard this shitass journal.

#1- Grades. No matter how many times a well-meaning soul reminds me once more that my worth as a person is not based on GPA - it has a way of affecting me that way. It's just that when you leave and breathe something like college, grades are all you've got to show for those hours and hours and hours. For me, the classes I actually quite hated are surprisingly the ones I did ok in. The class I actually liked and worked hardest in was my bum grade. Hahahaha, Mary!

b. I want to be on break and yet I want to "make the most" of my time off. Really, that just makes me stalled in between and I do some real nothing. This, also, makes me feel like crap.

Generally, eating some cereal fixes everything. So, I will continue this later today.

Accurate count of antelope I see out my bedroom window at this very moment: 50.

I am not joking! They are all in our yard. I'm not just looking at them from afar. I think they're all wintering out here or something. Not that it feels much like winter.

...I didn't realize it would get so many weird reactions. Months after the post!

   I suck at posting because I struggle with wondering if I should put something that does me more good than anyone else out on the internet.

I know a lot of us keep track of each other this way. I'm just not sure what is worth putting out, just because such a strange mix of people check livejournal. I'm prone to putting private-ish stuff on here.  Do I say 'screw it' and lay it all out on the line?
  Now that I'm home and wondering what to do with myself I can guess I probably will. I feel good but a little lonesome!